Rev. Carrie MaKenna
Celebrating 15 Memory-filled Years
Independent Non-denominational Ceremony Officiant
Independent Non-denominational Ceremony Officiant
Wedding Traditions from Around the World
Many of today's popular wedding ceremony and reception traditions can be traced to ancient Egyptian and European customs.
Many of these were based on symbolism, superstition, folklore, religion, and the early belief that evil spirits could bring disease and death to newlyweds and crops (the focal point of many farm-based early cultures).
Although the exact origin and usefulness of many of these early wedding traditions are unclear, popular acceptance has allowed them to flourish. Besides, many of these wedding traditions are just plain fun!
According to various sources, some of the early marriages were literally carried out by the Groom (and his Bridesmen or Bridesknights) who would kidnap a woman (the origin of "carrying a Bride over the threshold") from another tribe! The Groom (and his fellow conspirators) would then fight off the female's family of tribesmen with swords held in their right hand while the Groom would hold the captured Bride in his left hand (the origin of why a "Bride stands on the left side of the Groom" at a wedding).
After a successful capture, another politically correct practice was for the Groom to hide his new Bride for one month for mating purposes. It is said that the word "honeymoon" was created to describe this one month cycle of the moon when they would drink mead (a honey sweetened alcoholic brew that effects both sobriety and the acidity of the womb thus increasing fertility)
Later, in the more civilized (???) four-digit years (1000 - 2000), some marriages were nothing more than trading chips used in bartering land, social status, political alliances, or money (no checks or credit cards were accepted) between families!
The word, "Wedding" comes from the Anglo-Saxon word "wedd" that meant a man would marry a woman and pay the Bride's father.
Wedding bouquets were originally made of strong herbs (thyme and garlic) to frighten away evil spirits, and to cover the stench emitting from people who had not bathed recently!
The
Bouquet Toss
In ancient times, it was believed
that a Bride was especially lucky on her wedding day. Guests would
sometimes tear at her dress for a souvenir piece of good luck to take
home. The Bride's tossing of her bouquet grew from her desire to offer a
good luck souvenir, and prevent guests from bothering her during her
reception.
The Bridesmaids Clothing
Early Brides and Bridesmaids wore similar dresses to confuse evil spirits.
The Bridal Shower
Back in the days when weddings were arranged by family members, a poor Dutchman fell in love with a girl whose father refused her a dowry. Their friends showered her with enough gifts to help them start a household. According to another lore, the first "Bridal Shower" occurred at the end of the 19th century. At a party, the Bride's friends placed small gifts inside a parasol and opened it over the Bride's head. When she opened the parasol, she was "showered" with presents!
The
Bridal Veil
When marriages were arranged by family members, the
newlyweds very rarely were allowed to see one another. Family members
exchanging a dowry were afraid that if the Groom didn't like the
appearance of the Bride's face, he might refuse to marry her. This is
why the Father of the Bride "gave the Bride away" to the Groom at the
actual wedding ceremony. Only after lifting her veil just prior to the
ceremony did the Groom see the Bride's face for the first time! Early
Greek and Roman Brides wore red or yellow veils to represent fire, and
ward off demons.
When a Groom used to steal his Bride from her tribe, he was forced to carry her kicking and screaming. This act of thievery has evolved into a more romantic gesture welcoming the Bride into her new home.
The
Garter
Brides
originally tossed a garter (rather than a bouquet) at a wedding
reception. In the 14th century, this custom changed after Brides tired
of fighting off drunken men who tried to remove the garter themselves!
According to legend, the garter toss in England evolved from an earlier
tradition of "flinging the stocking". On their wedding night, guests
would follow the Bride and Groom to their bedroom, wait until they
undressed, steal their stockings, and then "fling" them at the couple!
The first person to hit the Bride or Groom on the head would be the next
person to marry.
The
Money Dance
According
to one custom, when arranged marriages were common the Groom collected a
dowry only after his marriage was consummated. The money dance insured
that the couple would have some money before they left their wedding
reception. According to another wedding tradition, the people of the
village gave gifts of pottery, livestock, and garden plants to the
newlyweds because the Bride and Groom had no money to acquire these
items until they had children, after which a dowry was exchanged.
Putting
a Penny in the Shoe
European tradition to bring the Bride good luck,
fortune, and protection against want. After the Wedding Day, the lucky
penny can be turned into a piece of jewelry as a pendant, charm for a
bracelet, or ring setting.
The
Ring Finger
Prior
to the 5th century, the ring finger was the index finger. Later, it was
believed that the third finger contained the "vein of love" that led
directly to the heart.
Putting
Shoes on the Wedding Couples' Car
Ancient Romans used to transfer to the Groom his
authority over his Bride when her Father gave the Groom her shoes. In
later years, guests threw their own shoes at the newlyweds to signify
this transfer of authority. Today, this tradition is kept alive by
simply tying old shoes to the back of the newlywed's vehicle before they
leave their wedding reception celebration.
Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue
This
superstition of the Bride wearing something that fits each of these
four categories originated in Europe to ward off evil spirits. Something
Old: This tradition symbolized the sense of continuity while making the
transition from a single person to that of a married couple. Something
New: This tradition symbolized that marriage represented a transition to
adulthood. Something Borrowed: This tradition symbolized the popular
belief that by borrowing something from a happily married couple, good
fortune would follow the newlyweds. Something Blue: In ancient Israel,
blue was the border color of the Bride's dress symbolizing purity,
constancy and fidelity.
The Stag Party
The
male equivalent of the Bridal Shower. Roman empire soldiers would feast
with the Groom the night before his wedding to say goodbye to his
irresponsible days of bachelorhood, and to renew their vows of
allegiance to their friendships.
Tossing
Rice
Believing newlyweds brought good luck, guests used
to shower them with nuts and grains to insure a bountiful harvest and
many children to work the land. During years of a poor harvest, rice was
tossed instead. This tradition continues today with rice or birdseed
(where permitted), or bubbles to wish the Bride and Groom much
happiness. Incidentally, it is only a superstition that birds eating
rice thrown after a wedding ceremony are destined to have their stomachs
enlarge and eventually explode. This myth may have simply evolved from
church/synagogue employees weary from cleaning after every wedding
ceremony!
The
Tuxedo
Until
the 20th century, the Groom simply wore his "Sunday best" on his
wedding day. It is said that President Teddy Roosevelt popularized the
modern tuxedo.
Tying
the Knot
Around
the world there are many traditions involving tying the marriage couple
together. From the days of the Roman empire when the Bride wore a
girdle that was tied in knots. The Groom untied the knots prior to the
consummation of their marriage. The Celtic tradition is hand-fasting.
Some African tribes braid long grasses into a cord to tie the hands
together. A fine twine or strand of orange marigold blossoms is used in
Hindu Vedic wedding ceremonies. In a Chinese wedding a red cord is used.
The ancient Aztec custom was to tie the couple’s clothing together. In
Mexican traditions the couple is draped with a lasso or “lazo” made of
rosary beads, a rope, or satin cord, in a figure eight around the bridal
couple’s shoulders.
The
Wedding Cake
Also
during the days of the Roman empire, wedding cakes were baked of wheat
or barley. At the reception, they were traditionally broken over the
head of the new Bride by the Groom as a symbol of her fertility. Guests
would then scramble for pieces of the cake, and take them home for good
luck. It later became a tradition to place many small cakes on top of
each other as high as possible. The newlyweds would then try to exchange
a kiss over the top of the tower of cakes without knocking them down.
During the reign of King Charles II of England, a daring baker added
icing, and the modern style of wedding cake was born. It is unclear when
the tradition of the newlyweds smashing wedding cake into each other's
face first began, and uncertain if that marriage lasted more than one
day!
The
Wedding Ring
According to some historians, the first recorded
marriage rings date back to the days when early man tied plaited
circlets around the Bride's wrists and ankles to keep her spirit from
running away. Approximately 3,000 BC, Egyptians originated the phrase
"without beginning, without end" in describing the significance of the
wedding ring. These rings were made of woven hemp which constantly wore
out and needed replacement. Although Romans originally used iron, gold
is now used as a symbol of all that is pure. Diamonds were first used by
Italians who believed that it was created from the flames of love. In
some European cultures, the wedding ring is worn on the right hand. In
other cultures, an engagement ring is worn on the left hand, and the
wedding ring is worn on the right hand.
The Wedding Toast
It
is said that this tradition first began in France where bread would be
placed in the bottom of two drinking glasses for the newlyweds. They
would then drink as fast as they could to be the first person to get to
the toast. According to legend, the winner would rule their household!
The
White Wedding Dress
This
was made popular in the 1840's by Queen Victoria (instead of the
traditional royal "silver" wedding dress). Prior to this, Brides simply
wore their best dress on their wedding day.
Various wedding customs have their roots and popularity based on ethnic origin.
African-American Traditions
At
some African-American wedding ceremonies, newlyweds "jump over a broom"
to symbolize the beginning of a new life. The ritual was created during
slavery when African-Americans could not legally marry. Some people
trace this wedding tradition to an African tribal marriage ritual of
placing sticks on the ground representing the couple's new home. Today,
the jumping of the broom is a symbol of sweeping away of the old, and
welcoming the new. Broom Jumping can be performed either at the wedding
ceremony after the minister pronounces the newlyweds husband and wife,
or at the wedding reception just after the Bridal Party enters the
reception area. A fully decorated broom can be purchased at ethnic
stores. Other couples may prefer to use a regular household broom
decorated with bows/flowers/other trinkets in the wedding colors. At
some receptions, guests may participate in the ceremony by tying ribbons
around the broom before the Broom Jumping begins.
Belgian Wedding Traditions
As
the Bride walks up the aisle at her Wedding Ceremony, the Bride stops
and hands her mother a flower from her bouquet and they embrace. After
the Wedding Ceremony is finished, the new couple walk to the Groom's
side of the church and the Bride gives her mother-in-law a second flower
from her bouquet and they also embrace.
Chinese Wedding Traditions
The
Bride may wear a red wedding dress symbolizing love and joy. At the
wedding reception, a nine-course meal (lasting up to three hours) is
very popular. A family member may act as the official "Master of
Ceremonies" orchestrating family introductions, toasts, comedy sketches,
and a reenactment of the newlywed's courtship.
Eastern Orthodox Church Wedding Traditions
The
rings are blessed by the Priest taking them in hand and making the sign
of the cross over the Bride and Groom's head. The "Koumbaros" (Best
Man) then exchanges the rings three times taking the Bride's ring and
placing it on the Groom's finger and vice-versa. This exchange signifies
that in married life, the weaknesses of the one partner will be
compensated for by the strength of the other, the imperfections of one
by the perfection's of the other. Candles are held throughout the
Wedding Service which begins immediately after the Betrothal Service.
The candles are like the lamps of the five wise maidens of the Bible who
because they had enough oil in them were able to receive Christ when He
came in the darkness of the night. The candles symbolize the spiritual
willingness of the couple to receive Christ who will bless them through
this sacrament. The Office of the Crowning which follows is the climax
of the Wedding Service. The crowns are signs of the glory and honor that
God crowns them during the sacrament. The Bride and Groom are crowned
as the King and Queen of their own little kingdom (their home) which
they will rule with wisdom, justice, and integrity.
French Wedding Traditions
One
early French wedding custom signifies the new alliance created by
uniting two families through marriage. During the Wedding Reception, the
new couple raise a glass of wine from two different vineyards. They
then pour their wine into a third glass and each drinks from it.
German Wedding Traditions
During
the wedding ceremony, the Groom may kneel on the hem of the Bride's
dress to symbolize his control over her. Not to be outdone, the Bride
may step on the Groom's foot when she rises to symbolize her power over
him!
Greek Wedding Traditions
Some
newlyweds wear a crown of flowers during the wedding ceremony. The
couple may walk around the altar three times representing the Holy
Trinity. At the reception, Greek folk dances are popular with guests
lining up in a single file line.
Mexican Wedding Traditions
During
the wedding ceremony, thirteen gold coins (representing the Groom's
dowry to his Bride) are often blessed by the priest, and passed between
the hands of the newlyweds several times before ending with the Bride. A
large rosary or white rope ("laso") is sometimes wound around the
couple's shoulders in a figure-8 during the wedding ceremony to
symbolize their union as one.
The custom of the Thirteen Coins, or arrhea, is connected to an ancient Roman custom of breaking gold or silver, one half to be kept by the Bride and the other half by the Groom, as a pledge of marriage. The custom was transported to Spain and became symbolic of the Bride’s dowry. In Mexico the Coins also came to represent dowry gifts. The Coins usually became a part of the couple’s family heirloom.
Eventually the meaning in Mexican weddings was that the Thirteen Gold Coins (arras) are given to the Bride by the Groom, signifying his responsibility as a provider, and pledge to support and care for her. Acceptance by the Bride means taking that trust unconditionally with total dedication and prudence.
In Catholic ceremonies it is said that the number 13 represents Christ and his 12 apostles. Another older view is that the 13 coins represent the 12 lunar cycles of a year, and the 13th coin symbolizes the couple's honeymoon. Some feel the original purpose was to ensure the new couple would be financially secure for their first year and one month of marriage. Today the ceremony is updated to reflect the joining of the lives and families of the couple and their mutual responsibility for their future well-being.
Irish Wedding Traditions
In
the early 1900's, an Irish couple would walk to church together on
their Wedding Day. If the people of their parish approved their union
they would throw rice, pots, pans, brushes and other household items at
the couple as they approached their church. Today, hen parties (Bridal
Showers) have replaced this practice.
Some Irish people wear a claddagh
ring for a wedding ring. This ring was created by a master goldsmith,
Richard Joyce, 400 years ago in a fishing village called Claddagh
overlooking Galway Bay. The claddagh symbolizes love, loyalty, and
friendship. On the right hand with the heart facing inward it means the
wearer's heart is unoccupied... facing outwards reveals love is being
considered. When worn on the left hand facing outward it signifies that
the wearer is seriously committed or married.
At some Irish wedding
receptions, the Groom is lifted in a chair ("jaunting car") to celebrate
that he is a married man. For good luck, the newlyweds are given a
horseshoe to display in their home in the upward position. A traditional
Irish wedding cake is a fruitcake. Traditional Irish toasts (in
addition to remarks from the Best Man) are very popular.
Irish Marriage
Blessing
May God be with you and bless you; May you see your children's children. May you be poor in misfortune, Rich in blessings, May you know nothing but happiness. From this day forward.
Italian Wedding Traditions
Some
Brides may choose to carry a white silk or satin purse ("busta") to
store gifts of money that are welcomed. Tarantella folk dances are
popular at the wedding reception. Another Italian custom is to present
five sugar-coated almonds to the guests which represent health, wealth,
long life, fertility, and happiness.
Japanese Wedding Traditions
The
Bride and her Parents might visit the Groom's house on wedding day. At
the wedding ceremony, the Bride's wedding gown is often a traditional
wedding kimono. She usually changes into something else at the wedding
reception. The first of nine sips of sake drunk by the Bride and Groom
at their wedding ceremony symbolizes the official union of marriage.
Jewish Wedding Traditions
It
is a Jewish tradition for a Bride to present her Groom with a tallit to
wear for his Aufruf (reading of the Torah prior to their ceremony). The
Groom's family often give candlesticks to the Bride that can be used
during the actual wedding ceremony.
It is also a custom for Jewish men to cover their heads at all times (especially during prayers) with a kippot (yarmulkes) as a form of reverence, respect, and acknowledgement that God is present everywhere. In some congregations, women also cover their heads to pray. Some Orthodox, Conservative, and Reform wedding ceremonies take place under a hupah (wedding canopy). The hupah is a rectangular piece of cloth large enough for the Bride, Groom, Rabbi, and sometimes other members of the wedding party. The hupah signifies the new home about to be shared by the newlyweds.
Before the procession to the hupah, the tanaim are signed, and the Groom is asked if he is ready to take on the responsibilities outlined in the ketubah. He signifies his willingness by accepting a handkerchief or other object offered to him by the Rabbi. The two witnesses to this sign the ketubah. While the actual text of the ketubah is never meant to vary, the border decorations on this document have over the centuries been the subject of remarkable artistic creations.
At the beginning of the wedding ceremony, the Bride might observe the Biblical custom of Circling the Groom seven times. This practice is seen as a powerful act of definition where the Bride will symbolically create the space that they will share as husband and wife. In Judaism, the number seven is mystical and represents completion and fulfillment. Just as the creation of the world was finished in seven days, the seven circles complete the couple's search for each other.
The bedeken, or veiling, is a small ceremony in which the Groom lowers the veil over the Bride's face, and by this act acknowledges that he is marrying the correct woman. This custom originated in the story of Jacob who didn't see the face of his Bride prior to his wedding and was tricked into marrying Leah instead of his intended, Rachel.
The Jewish marriage ceremony consists of two parts: Erusin (pre-engagement) and Nissuin (marriage). These ceremonies were historically performed up to one-year apart, but more recently the two have been combined into one ceremony. The Eursin ceremony begins with Kiddush, the blessing over the wine. Kiddush is part of virtually all Jewish observances as a prayer of sanctification. The exchange of rings completes the Erusin ceremony. In Jewish law, a verbal declaration of marriage is not legally binding unless an act of Kinyan, a formal physical acquisition is completed. This is reached when two witnesses see the Bride accept a ring from the Groom and he recites the words of marriage.
After the ketubah has been read at the ceremony, wine is often poured into a new glass and the Sheva Berakhot (Seven Benedictions) are recited over it. The Bride and Groom then drink from the glass of wine. With the ceremony complete, tradition calls for the Groom to break the wrapped glass by stomping on it. This final action symbolizes the destruction of the Holy Temple in Israel, and reminds guests that love is fragile. The audience may shout Mazel Tov, and the Bride and Groom kiss.
Immediately after the wedding ceremony, the couple may spend a few private moments together, or Yichud as a symbolic consummation of their marriage. Later, the Mitzvah, or obligation, of rejoicing at a wedding reception is incumbent on the Bride, Groom, and guests.
Polish Wedding Traditions
The
Mother of the Bride may choose to place the veil on the Bride before
the wedding ceremony to symbolize her last task that a Mother does on
behalf of her girl before she becomes a married woman. A traditional
folk song ("Twelve Angels") is sometimes played at the reception
allowing the Bride to transfer her veil (and good luck to be married) to
her Maid of Honor, Bridesmaids, and Flower Girl. A morning wedding
ceremony is sometimes followed with a brief afternoon luncheon, several
hours of downtime when guests return home, and then a long evening
wedding reception. Polka dances and other audience participation events
are very popular.
Scottish Wedding Traditions
The
Groom and his Groomsmen often wear Scottish kilts (better not ask what
they are wearing underneath!). The Groom may present the Bride with an
engraved silver teaspoon on their wedding day to symbolize that they
will never go hungry.
A traditional sword dance is sometimes performed at their wedding reception.
Spanish Wedding Traditions
A
Spanish Groom sometimes gives his Bride thirteen coins in memory of
Christ and the twelve apostles. The Bride carries them in a small bag
during the Wedding Ceremony as a symbol that the Groom promises to
support and care for her.
Rev. Carrie MaKenna, MA - Anam Cara Living Arts
Independent, Non-denominational Wedding Officiant
Distinctive Program and Ceremony Design and Facilitation for
Moments that Matter in Business, Social and Private Events
Denver Metro CO, Front Range, and Mountains
Call: 720 933-3813 or Email Rev. Carrie
Please check out her website www.anamcarastudiogallery.com
Search for other wedding vendors in Colorado through these links:
Crystal Rose Colorado www.crystal-rose.com
Wedding Sites & Services www.weddingsitesandservices.com
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Having attended 24+ weddings every year for 6+ years, I've seen the best and the worst of what weddings can be.
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New York Times Article February 20, 2005
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/02/20/fashion/weddings/20vows.html?fta=y&_r=0
Judy Ray and Jeff Hard
Photo: Adam Welch for The New York Times
PARKER, COLO., FEB. 12
Judy Ray and Jeff Hard pose for pictures with the Rev. Carrie MaKenna, center.
By ROXANNE HAWN
Published: February 20, 2005
JUDY RAY rarely saw other people around when she moved to Calhan, Colo., population 896, in 2000, after her 20-year marriage ended. "I thought I lived in a witness protection neighborhood," Ms. Ray, now 49, said jokingly. "You never see anyone out."
Ms. Ray, who grew up in New Jersey and now lives on a seven-acre plot on a dirt road, is a self-reliant sort, having once run five miles for help on a 14-degree day, when her fully loaded truck and horse trailer broke down. She had grown accustomed to waking to see the blue-gray Rocky Mountains off in the distance, and nearer by, her five dogs, three cats, three horses, four chickens and two goats, who roamed her pasture.
Sometimes while counting heads, Ms. Ray, who by day works as the tennis pro at the Pinery Country Club in Parker, Colo., discovered surplus goats grazing in the field. She has found stray sheep wandering along the rutted dirt road in front of her house. Once she even awoke to an errant emu, its long neck an amusing surprise.
One morning in 2001, she recalled, "I looked out my bedroom window, and there were two mules right there." Her daughter, Vanessa Ray, then a high school student, called from the yard: "Mom, there is a really nice guy outside. He wants to get his mules. You should come out and meet him."
She did. The man was Jeff Hard, who seemed "discombobulated, very upset," the daughter recalled. He told them that a third mule, Festus, had just been killed by a car on a nearby highway. He said Festus and the two other mules, Red and Blondie, got loose when an electric fence stopped working. Mr. Hard and the elder Ms. Ray soon realized that they lived on opposite ends of the same looping dirt road, but had never met. They exchanged phone numbers.
"I told him, 'If you ever need anybody to feed your animals, let me know,' "she said.
"Neither one of us were looking for a relationship," she added.
Mr. Hard, now 43, grew up in the rural San Luis Valley in southwestern Colorado. He learned to drive at 10, and shuttled friends to school starting at 13. There were just seven people in his graduating class.
Ms. Ray fondly remembers toting a tennis racket as a toddler and watching her parents play, and occasionally argue, on the three clay courts at the Manasquan River Yacht Club in Manasquan, N.J.
"At that club, you swam, you sailed or you played tennis," she recalled. "I did all three, but swimming was stressful. In swimming, you won or lost a race in seconds. In tennis, you had time to figure it out." She said tennis taught her tenacity, fairness and the power of positive thinking. "Everything I learned on the court applies to life," she said.
Ms. Ray called Mr. Hard a couple of weeks later to see how he was dealing with the loss of Festus. "I would have been devastated," she said. "At the end of the conversation, he asked me if I wanted to go to dinner."
Initially their dinners out, once or twice a month, were strictly neighborly. "It was nice to have someone to go to dinner with and hang around with," Mr. Hard said. "She kind of grew on me. She's just happy-go-lucky all the time, always busy doing something."
A few months later, while playing pool and drinking beer at Curly's Place, a bar in Calhan, Ms. Ray said they realized they "really did like each other."
Things got more serious when a tornado ripped through the area in May 2001. Ms. Ray's goats, babies at the time, were wet, cold, hungry and scared. That night, Mr. Hard and Ms. Ray sat together on the couch, caring for the goats. "That's when I fell in love with Jeff," she said. He soon moved into her place. It was an arrangement that suited Mr. Hard just fine, but in time Ms. Ray began asking for change. "I either want to be married or I want to be single," she told him.
"Judy started trying to nail down future plans," Mr. Hard said. "I wasn't ready to completely commit. The pressure went on for a few months."
One key roadblock was over the prospect of having children together.
"She's already raised her kids," Mr. Hard said. "I might still like to have some."
But Ms. Ray, almost 50, wasn't sure that she would or even could consider having more children.
"He did labor over the children decision for months," she said.
By early 2004, with their relationship stalled, Ms. Ray gave Mr. Hard an ultimatum and began packing up his belongings. But amid the boxes, they decided to marry. They loved each other and that "was the bottom line," Ms. Ray said. "It was not so much a proposal as an agreement," Mr. Hard recalled.
They wound up leaving the question of children open to future discussion. "We're not going to go to any extreme measures," Ms. Ray said, but adoption is not off the table.
They were married Feb. 12 before 120 guests at the Pinery Country Club, in a room that was lighted only by candles and firelight. It was so dark that the nondenominational minister, the Rev. Carrie MaKenna, struggled to read from her text, which included both Apache and Irish blessings.
Mr. Hard is "probably the most stubborn person on the face of the earth," said the bridegroom's brother, Glenn Hard.
"That's probably why he gets along so well with Red," he added, referring to the mule. "That stubbornness also translates into dedication. Once Jeff sets his mind to something - once he buys into something - he gives his whole heart."
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